Lambaster Versus Retort
Lambaster versus Retort
What do you call a smaller version of the Lambaster?
It took a while to name this paddle.
Tara wanted to call it the “Lambastard” but Master K pulled a veto card on that brilliant idea, due to the confusion it would likely cause.
We already had a Lambaster, a heavy-duty Extra Large spanking paddle that hits like a truck. At 21" in length, 4.5" wide, and .75" thick, it’s easy for the Lambaster to weigh close to 2lbs. But the handle is made for folks with bigger hands and can prove unwieldy when your arm starts to wear out. With a spanking paddle that size, you don’t want to miss your target!
Thus the Retort was born, a large, wooden paddle, slightly smaller than our Lambaster design. With a blade of 12" x 4” and a 6" handle designed for smaller hands, the Retort is balanced for maximum control and ease of use by tinier Tops.
Don’t be fooled by the smaller size though. If the Lambaster hits like a truck, the Retort hits like a full-size, gas-guzzling SUV. Hovering right around 1lb, it’s definitely large enough to cause a bit of dancing (and howling!) with the very first swat.
The Retort is shown here in Padauk but is also available in Mahogany, Oak, Black Walnut, Hickory, and Jatoba upon request. Not for beginner spankos. The Retort can do serious damage! Only recommended for seasoned, risk-aware impact players.
The name for the Retort was inspired by Pulp Fiction’s Samuel L. Jackson, “Oh! Well allow me to retort,” when day dreaming about a response to a BDSM brat in full sass mode.